Jay Leno: First off, thanks for being here.
Paris Hilton: Oh, I consider you an icon.
Jay Leno: And I consider you an ex-con. Hahaha.  When you first went to jail, they said you were on medication. What was it for?
Paris Hilton: I’ve been on medication since I was a child. I have ADD.
Jay Leno: Can you spell ADD?
Paris Hilton: I have no idea.
Jay Leno: You wanna try?
Paris Hilton: DUI
Jay Leno: Not so good. Now, I understand when you first got to jail, you were strip search. What was that like?
Paris Hilton: It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Jay Leno: Did the inmates give you a nickname?
Paris Hilton: Mystery meat. It’s really sad.
Jay Leno: Anything else?
Paris Hilton: Jail slob so…
Jay Leno: Well, I forgot what I’m gonna ask you.
Paris Hilton: Actually from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep.
Jay Leno: Ahhmm, let me ask. What’s your ethnic background?
Paris Hilton: I’m an Aquarius
Jay Leno: Let me ask you this. Remember the time you invited me to your house?
Paris Hilton:  It was crazy. I feel really bad for my neighbors.
Jay Leno: Well, It wasn’t really that bad.
Paris Hilton: I’ll never make that mistake again.
Jay Leno: Lets’ talk about your album.
Paris Hilton: The most humiliating experience of my life.
Jay Leno: Really?? I’m sorry. I haven’t heard that.
Paris Hilton: It’s pretty gross.
Jay Leno: Oh, speaking of gross…Have you ever had any STD?
Paris Hilton: Yes. Quite a few.
Jay Leno: Can you spell STD?
Paris Hilton: DUI
Jay Leno: Okay. What’s next for you Paris Hilton?
Paris Hilton: I want to help raise money for kids, breast cancer, multiple sclerosis…
Jay Leno: Are you actually gonna do any of that?
Paris Hilton: No.
Jay Leno: That’s what I thought. Now, thank you jail slob… ah, Miss Hilton. Thank you for joining.